Can You Help Carrie With Her Female Led Relationship? – True Story

Carrie needs to gain and secure the complete obedience of her husband who is only partially cooperating in this female led relationship. 

Although this is an open letter to Rose of Rose and Terry whose many real-life articles on this site describe an enduring female led relationship, responses are welcomed from anyone with advice to offer.

Please be invited to reply in the comment area at the end of this article.  You may use the email address to protect your privacy when posting.

Rose, I love it! We are a couple who are new to a female-led relationship (FLR). For about a year we have been experimenting but have now reached a point where we need your advice and I need your help.

While I am seriously and fully committed to making this relationship work, my fiance says he is ready but I feel it is only a game to him. When he desires the paddling he doesn’t want to be told what to do —  yes, just like a little boy being selfish. We have been on a roller coaster with this relationship structure and to top everything off I feel that he allows his past – meaning his ex-wife –  to remind him that this lifestyle is bad and he is sick, as she put it.

There are many times when he does not respond to my lead: he refuses and then gets mad at me and doesn’t do as I want telling me it is not good timing. Yes, that makes me even angrier.

I know he has started to read your stories and I am hoping he understands that he does not have a choice — he needs to do as he is told. Our life would be so much better if he did.

I try to be organized, I try to show him that if he follows my lead life would be much happier for both of us.

Here are the things I am struggling with:

  • Being on his phone when he wants with regard for me,
  • Having a lock on his phones:  that bothers me. His defense is to state that he does not ask to see what is on my phone.  I don’t hide anything and I expect the same openness and transparency from him,
  • He says he wants his alone time in the morning,
  • He doesn’t do anything for me unless I ask him,
  • He tells me he loves me, but honestly, I feel that he doesn’t think about us and this relationship and our lifestyle unless he wants to,
  • His job is lots of hard work but I work also work hard and then some.

I need help trying to figure out how and what I need to do to get through to him. I do believe he is happier when I am firm. However, I want him to both see me as his wife and enhance our female led relationship where I don’t feel I am having to punish him all the time because he refuses to do obey as I lead and direct for our mutual benefit.

Please help me.

How To Get The Spanking You Want
  • My girlfriend and I know a couple who started off like Carrie and her husband. The wife spanked her husband when he desired it. She soon decided that this was not good enough, she wanted to use spanking as discipline. She had a discussion with him and told him that she was happy to have spanking as part of their relationship, but it had to be on her terms. He accepted this, so they made an agreement that she has the right to spank him whenever she wants to. If she thinks he ought to be spanked, he is spanked, whether he likes it or not. The spankings are consentual, as they are part of their agreement, but she does not have to ask for his consent every time. He has already consented to submit to marital discipline from her whenever she thinks fit.

    She says that their marriage has been much better since they made the agreement, they seldom have rows or arguments. If he does something she disapproves of when they are at home, she at once tells him to lower his pants and underpants and bend over her knee for a paddling. If he misbehaves when they are out, she whispers to him that he will be going over her knee when they get home.

    She says she thinks many men would accept disciplinary spankings if their partners were more self-confident. She says the discipline does not have to be overly severe. She spanks her husband hard enough to sting and make sitting down uncomfortable, but she is not brutal and only uses a hairbrush or a wooden spoon. The humiliation of being spanked on his bottom can be just as important as the pain.

  • I hope things have worked out and that Carrie’s husband is now fully cooperating in their female-led relationship. I find the first sentence very exciting: “…she needs to secure the complete obedience of her husband.” Yes, that’s the way it should be. Husbands should obey their wives completely. And if they don’t, pants down, underpants down, and across her knee for a severe spanking! That would make for happier marriages.

  • It would be interesting to know what has happened in the five years or so that have gone by since Carrie posted this. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if my girlfriend insisted on my complete obedience: I would probably be across her knee every day of the week and would not be able to sit down at all! However, I believe that with time I would come to obey her without constant punishment. Spanking aside, I enjoy submitting to my girlfriend and I find it exciting when she tells me to do something in a firm voice. When she says, “Do what I say, boy, now!” I usually obey without having my bottom warmed.

  • Carrie, as a spanked husband I don’t see any real commitment to this type of relationship from your husband. My wife and I have had many discussions over the years. We both know that it won’t work unless we both agree on the rules, guidelines and my willingness to accept real punishment spankings when she thinks I need it. This isn’t for everyone as getting a punishment spanking is something to be feared and avoided. You both need to be committed and in agreement with everything. Not all of my spankings are for punishment but I know that I will be hurting and humbled and I still gladly submit to her because I know how well it works for us. Good luck.

  • With in a very good marriage I seem to totally deserve a bare ass paddling about twice a year—My wife is of a more religious and moral nature so for certain behaviors with my male friends I take a deserved bare paddling from my wife–I know I got it coming as soon as I get home—I do not to wait til the next day so I get the skinny strap in the garage -take a quick shower and go over her lap and the sofa and she paddles my naked butt and it hurts like crazy—Since no one else knows there is no matter of shame or embarrassment—It hurts on my bare butt ALOT –I totally got it coming I know—WOW if my male friends whom I am out with knew I was getting a bare ass paddling with in a few minutes of their dropping me off–I would be laughed out of this town

  • Hello Carrie, this is Miss J.
    I have dealt with this type of frustrating behaviour from my own husband. I have found a couple methods to curb these type of selfish habits. Trust me it’s not a lost cause. You can have a very attentive husband. Email me if you would like to communicate further. (

    Editor’s Note: Miss J. speaks from a position of authority: She is the real-life disciplinarian in the stories authored by Sean and Miss J. on this site.

  • “When he desires the paddling..”? That sentence alone tells me he has no interest in you being in charge. Terry and I agree I need to be in charge in many areas, behavior being at the top of the list. However, in financial matters and investments he is the one that makes the final decisions.

    I allow no secrecy in anything that affects or reflects on how Terry acts – NONE.

    I doubt your husband is really interested in you being in charge and is playing a game. Terry never “wants” a paddling believe me. He may confess something he knows will get him one but that is quite different.

    If I am wrong, and your husband really agrees you should be in charge in certain areas, he should be paddled hard, every night for two weeks to prove it – 200 hard smacks with a hairbrush every evening followed by an hour of corner time seems appropriate. He also has to be clear about what areas you will be in control of.

    Let me know if he accepts the break-in spankings I suggested.


    • You are very strict, Rose – two hundred smacks! If my girlfriend gave me twenty hard smacks with a hairbrush every evening, it would be quite enough to make me obey her.

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