Can Severe Punishment Spankings Save Their Marriage?

A married man desperately wants to become a better husband to his wonderful wife. He is hoping that severe punishment spankings administered by her can correct his bad behaviour that is causing them to drift further apart. Advice is requested that can save and strengthen their failing marriage before it is too late. Can you help?

have finally plucked up the courage to ask my wonderful wife she would give me severe punishment spankings – and she agreed. I asked her if she really knows what a punishment spanking means and she said she did but I’m not sure.

I have been lucky enough to be married to her for many years and I have asked to be spanked before – sometimes she would but not hard nor for long.

I cried when I asked her to deliver the discipline that I desperately need and felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders. We have had a really rough time over the last few years and have drifted apart. I have become quite snappy and sulky and realise I need to be a much better husband if I want to continue being married to her.

Your advice would be much appreciated. I will be showing this posting and any replies to my dear wife. Please be invited to reply by way of a comment to this post.

How To Get The Spanking You Want
  • I can honestly say my wife thinks there’s something wrong with me because I want to be spanked. She says “that will never happen” and she wants nothing to do with it. I have sat down and tried to talk to her about it but it doesn’t work. Any help would be gratefully appreciated. Thank you.

    • My girlfriend often smacks my bottom in public if I do something that annoys her, just a few quick swats with the flat of her hand on the seat of my pants. People who see it do not seem to find it extraordinary or unusual. Women especially often smile and clearly approve, and I have occasionally seen women swatting their male partner in the same way.

      If you see it happen when you are out with your wife or if you see it happen on television, you could tell her that this shows that it is nothing out of the ordinary. I don’t think it is such a big step for a woman from smacking her partner’s fully clothed bottom in public to paddle his bare bottom in private to discipline him or for erotic purposes.

      Another possibility would be if you know a couple where the woman spanks her husband or boyfriend (you might be able to contact one online). You could invite them to your place or meet up in a bar or restaurant and they could explain the benefits of woman-led spanking to your wife.

    • I’m in the same situation. My wife has called my desires sinful, sick and perverted. I’m in my mid sixties and losing hope.

  • I can honestly say that a female-led relationship (FLR) with associated discipline helped save my marriage in the mid-70s. It accompanied the will by my then wife and me to revive what we had a few years earlier before we were married.

    I’ll get the experience down in words and post it here.

  • I don’t think spanking alone can save a marriage — but it can be a tool for the wife to take over power in the relationship and make it an FLR. And that often saves a marriage, especially when the husband initiates it by asking for corporal punishment.

    • I agree, spanking is a tool. When my girlfriend spanks me, the most important thing for me is not the physical sensation but the submission I feel to her.

  • Some people have said that being spanked by your partner must be embarrassing. Personally I do not find this to be the case. My girlfriend has naturally seen my bare bottom plenty of times and we have agreed that she has the right to spank it any time she thinks I deserve to be disciplined. I do not find it at all embarrassing when she spanks me in private. On the few occasions when she has spanked me or kept me dressed in just my underpants in front of other women, I found it embarrassing but at the same time exciting.

  • I think disciplinary spanking can work in a relationship. My girlfriend has been spanking me for several years for erotic purposes. Then one day we had a difference of opinion about a household chore I had not done. (I tend to be lazy about doing chores.) To my surprise she suddenly said, “You are beginning to annoy me. Bend over!” I hesitated for a moment and then obeyed. I was wearing just a pair of briefs, she took a paddle and gave me a quick spanking on the seat of them. It was not as hard as some erotic spankings she has given me, but it was enough to sting. More important than the stinging was the psychological impact though. I had disobeyed her and she had punished me by spanking my bottom! I would recommend spanking to any woman who is looking for a way to deal with a lazy husband or boyfriend, it is much better than nagging or arguing.

  • My wife keeps a thick leather belt on the nightstand to remind me of what happens for a transgression in my behavior. Yesterday I got the belt for spending too much money without permission and now I am writing this on my stomach because my butt is still throbbing. I am due for another session today

  • My wife started spanking me about three months into our relationship. At first just for fun. About a year in I had been having a generally bad attitude and that evening I asked her if we could try it out for real. We talked about it and she agreed to give it a try. I had been wanting this for months. We had no other real implements other than a weak leather belt, so after dinner I went out and cut a fairly hefty switch. Ten minutes later I was a blithering idiot. It was awful. I did not enjoy it at all and from that moment on I have been disciplined by her for 16 years now. One tip my wife gives is for the worst punishments she restrains me first then makes me cum. Then leaves me restrained for about 10 to 15 good hard paddle swats. It will make a grown man cry. It gives me punishment and her a release so it all works out.

    • My wife and I have a very intimate relationship that includes spanking. Though technically reciprocal, I have spanked her only twice; otherwise it consists of her spanking me over issues usually having to do with my insensitivity to her needs. Never injurious, it is always quite painful, with welts that last several days. I consent for several reasons: fierce sensual arousal, emotional closeness, and, she says, it makes her feel more empowered. We are very much in love.

      • It got started several weeks after our honeymoon, which was great. She had patiently taught me how to pleasure her, which boosted my ego. One night as we lay post copulatively, she was strangely silent. Slowly she related that, while she enjoyed it, she had a feeling of being owned by me “too soon,” that I was starting to know her body (better) than she did. It was complicated, and she was conflicted. She had told me about spanking her younger brother when she was 17 with better results than if she had told their parents about his misbehavior. At length we agreed to her spanking me with my belt hanging on the bedroom door. I fetched it as she asked, and that part of our relationship began shortly thereafter…

        • On another occasion, my wife complained that I was looking at other women too much and too often, something I didn’t realize I was doing, but we discussed it and decided her concerns were legit. I never request a spanking, she always secures my consent, and, as usual, I submitted. I tried to reduce my looking at other women, but sometime after that, I asked about her flirting with a waiter. I actually didn’t mind that much, but her flippant attitude about it made me angry. I didn’t ask for her consent and just I took her across my lap and smacked that cute bottom until it was pink. She begged me to stop and promised not to just dismiss my feelings on the matter. We are so in love. The worst spankings come after “bothering” her in bed, touching her intimately when she is not in the mood. I always apologize, but sometimes I just can’t stop, and she becomes furious. She yells at me to turn over on my stomach while she gets my belt off the bedroom door. I usually can’t sit comfortably for several days after that, but it is mutually cathartic. Fortunately, it doesn’t happen very often.

    • My wife always gives post-ejaculation spankings as well.
      It makes it more severe and we have both agreed that is what I need.
      It occurs AT LEAST once a month as a reminder that she is in charge.
      She wields her STRAP with great authority.

  • My wife is the disciplinarian in our marriage and has been for the past 17 years ever since I asked her to spank my bare bottom when I misbehaved or acted like a naughty little boy.

    Asking her to discipline me was personally very difficult. However, she quickly agreed and took charge immediately. Taking a chair into the middle of our dining room, she sat down and told me to bring her wooden hairbrush from the bedroom – I did as I was told. She then took my jeans and underpants down to my ankles and told me to get over her knees.

    Boy, the humiliation and embarrassment of having to lay across my wife’s lap like a naughty little boy really had me blushing deep red. She then administered a long hard bare bottom spanking with her wooden hairbrush. Upon finishing I was ordered into the corner with tears streaming down my face.

    My wife also has me on a regular maintenance spanking plan. Every Friday evening, I am positioned bare bottom over her knees as she makes sure tears flow long before the spanking ends. The hairbrush has been replaced with a hard wooden bath brush that really stings and burns terribly. These regular sessions very effectively reinforce her expectation of good behaviour while painfully reminding me of her authority.

    Although asking my wife to spank me was the hardest thing to do, I have never regretted it.

  • We crossed the line seven years ago when I admitted to my wife that the punishments she administered had the desired physical effect but psychologically it did not trigger remorse nor regret on my part for my wrongdoings. We both agreed to look for a solution. Six weeks later we visited a lifestyle disciplinarian (not a dominatrix). I stood in the hallway as my wife chatted and at times giggled over a cup of tea, then it was time. Without going into detail, I was taken to a room, questioned, restrained and thrashed with a tawse and paddle before my wife joined us. I unashamedly pleaded with her to end it: She stroked my hair, asked me if I was truly sorry and wouldn’t make her put me through this again all of which I agreed to. She then said she needed me to do something for her, my reply obviously was “anything.” I can still hear her words as she cradled my head, “A final 12 of the cane please,” she instructed, “6 for him and 6 from me.” After it was over we hugged and cried like never before. I was remorseful both for the physical punishment I had received but more importantly for the stress and conflict I had caused her. As we later discussed it was after the first 6 (of the final 12) when my wife asked me if I had had enough and wanted to stop that I fully handed control to her. As I told her, whatever she decided was best for me, she smiled and said, “I’ve known that for years, continue.” She still punishes and we talk about that day and how it cemented our relationship. I hope my behaviour never warrants a repeat.

  • Early in our marriage, I made the mistake of insulting my mother-in-law. After ignoring her warnings, she later confronted me when no one else was present saying that she waited so as not to humiliate me. Slowly she explained that she was going to teach me a lesson. Continuing, she said that she was going to blister my backside and that in the future anytime I thought of insulting her I would remember this. I froze when she told me to drop my pants. After she slapped my face so hard that I saw stars, I complied. She strapped me to tears and promises to be better. It was no joke, humiliating and painful. And, for all the subsequent years my wife has been following her mother’s example.

  • [Editor’s Note: Dear George, Thank you kindly for the very thoughtful and detailed comment. Promoting this lifestyle is one of the goals of Spanking Life. I have made a few minor edits to your original comment. Please be invited to reach me by posting another comment or through the Feedback section if you would like any changes. Regards, Michael]

    Hi Everybody,

    Thank you for sharing so many disciplinary wife stories – here is mine. I liked to be spanked or caned by a woman since I was young. When I did not behave well, I desperately wanted a woman that could punish me hard and keep me in line. I am very lucky to have met my wife. She is a normal lovely girl and open-minded as well. At first, she was quite uncomfortable to physically discipline me. I told her a husband needs to be kept in line from time to time and it is the wife’s duty to ensure that he is. Not long ago she agreed and began to take charge.

    We started with a paddle. At first, she was not spanking me hard: Maybe she wasn’t used to administering a spanking or she is too slim to handle the paddle effectively. But we started this lifestyle and whenever I did something wrong, I asked for her punishment and she delivered.

    Later, I advised my wife that whenever she delivers punishment it needs to be real and painful in order to be effective. To show my sincerity, I bought her a 3/16” Delrin cane. This cane is very lightweight and whippy – it is a dreadful weapon. It stings like hell even when wielded moderately by my wife’s petite hand.

    We have rules written down. Whenever I commit an infraction or upset her, she would mark down how many strokes should be given later. She carries out the punishment on the weekend. We agreed that she would not hold back on any stroke: The cane will cut sharply into my ass leaving a welt and making me scream. We further agreed that she must do it without remorse, not yield to any begging or bargaining nor not stop until every offence is paid in full. Yes, she is now doing the job very well. After much practice, she is very good at caning and can deliver her strokes accurately. Sometimes she would really cane me to tears making me feel deeply sorry. If I do not want to be caned to hell, I need to learn to be more patient and maintain my temper. This rule helps me to be a better husband and serves us well.

    My wife also delivers maintenance canings: Even if I am good for the whole week, she will still give me 10 strokes as a firm reminder. Unlike punishments for infractions or bad behaviour, these strokes can be more lenient but solely at her wish or discretion. But, I would beg her to do those as hard as the punishment ones because I really love (and need) her caning.

    My wife sees the results and now fully embraces the lifestyle and the duty to keep me well in hand and on the straight and narrow. I fully appreciate that she can be unrelentingly stern especially when I have been a bad boy.

    So, just feel free to ask your wife to be your keeper – this is good for both your relationship and your own good.

    • Hi George, thanks for your story. Unlike you, I hate bare ass spanking although I never got one I did not totally deserve. My wife is a great wife so I always take a bare paddling when she thinks I deserve it. Once coming back with a close friend from a casino in which I had lost a lot of money, I told him he would see me get a bare ass paddling. Whatever he may have thought he showed no signs of judgement as to my upcoming punishment. He witnessed it and although he had seen me naked since childhood, I was embarrassed to have him see me strip off and bend my bare butt over for my spanking. He just watched and to his credit never mentioned it as if nothing had happened. One time of having an audience — even though it was my best friend — was ENOUGH.

  • I am in my 30’s and my wife uses a razor strap. After rattling off her gripes I am ordered to strip naked and get over pillows on the bed. Standing on the side of the bed, she lays into my bare cheeks strapping them fiery red. I cry out during the painful punishment sometimes with tears streaking down my cheeks. She tries even harder now having seen the benefits.

    • The cane is silent and painful. If we have company and I’m drinking too much, my wife while smiling points to our bedroom which is on the far end of the house! Arriving there together she points to my trousers with the unspoken command to lower them and my shorts down to my ankles. I automatically bend over the foot of the bed while she retrieves her 3/8 inch cane. To avoid chipping her painted nails, she methodically puts on one glove. Then she says, “You’re getting a double dose because I warned you this morning what’ll happen if you overdo it with the sauce!” She swings the cane down hard and I yelp aloud. She shushes me and goes to my socks drawer, pulls out a pair and stuffs them in my mouth! I received 20 extremely hard strokes! The pain was excruciating leaving welts that were 1/8 of an inch raised on my bottom. With muffled whimpering followed by tears, I’m like a damp rag on the floor. My wife then said matter of factly, “ No more drinking for you!”

      • Sounds pretty fair. My wife isn’t comfortable using the cane, so my canings are at the home of a lady friend. She canes me long and hard, always takes pictures which she emails my wife. Usually orders me to have sex as soon as I get home. Sometimes they arrange a trip to the nude beach afterwards so that I display my welts with pride at being a disciplined husband. They say they will invite friends to watch but never actually did that.

    • I get 12 of the best with the cane lying on the bed: 6 very hard across my bottom and 6, even more, painful horizontally on my bottom with her standing by my feet. She refers to this punishment as “ checkerboard welts”. Each horizontal stroke touches all six of the previous across welts. I screamed so loudly she took off her panties and shoved them in my mouth. Disgraziato

  • I’m thinking about asking my wife to spank me but not because I’ve been so bad. She suffers from anxiety and depression causing her to get upset quite easily. If it would help her to have a happier life, I would be willing to ask her to spank me for emotional relief when she feels her anxiety and frustration levels are getting too high. Is that crazy?

  • Sean, I have not looked at this site for over a year, thanks for replying. I can tell you a little bit more about our situation and hope you or someone will reply. My wife is great, but she is more moral and religious than me. So, if I go out drinking and carousing with male friends–it is just automatic and understood by each of us–I get my bare butt paddled hard and it hurts. Upon returning home, I take a quick shower and go over her lap naked for a hard spanking. Since I have it coming, there is no argument from me. She is such a good wife, I should not do what I sometimes do, so I deserve it. There is no issue of embarrassment or shaming, things are fine between us afterwards. No one else knows. Are any other guys anywhere like me? Thanks.

  • Cronin, You take a bare bottom spanking from your wife but say there is no embarrassment – WOW! You are getting spanked like a kid and you do not suffer embarrassment! I can not understand such a feeling!

  • I was into spanking for sexual pleasure for many years. My second wife used spanking as a punishment and believe me there was no sexual pleasure for me when she spanked. me. Initially, I would get an erection but she did her best to get rid of that and boy did she know how. Once I was flaccid she would say, “Right, your punishment starts now,” and then proceed to hand-spank, paddle and cane my backside. I didn’t find those punishments erotic at all!

  • I suggest she read Rose and Terry’s stories on this site to know what a real spanking looks and feels like. Though her spankings do not have to be as severe, a hundred swats should be sufficient.

  • Hats off to you for being courageous enough to ask for a REAL spanking. If it is, in fact, a REAL SPANKING you’re looking for. I find many like the idea of a spanking but don’t understand what that feels like. I am in what we call a modified FLR. For the most part, we are a normal couple and manage the household as a team BUT…for transgressions, I have submitted myself to getting spanked for real and let me tell you, there is nothing fun or sexual about a real punishment spanking (as there shouldn’t be). Maintenance spankings happen somewhat frequently (once a month or so) but I quickly learned that punishment spankings are to be avoided. The last punishment spanking hurt so bad, I slept on my stomach that night, waking up frequently throughout the night as I moved around in my sleep. It hurt for days and I had marks for almost a month. On the flip side, she knows that occasional spankings help keep me balanced and in line and she definitely feels the power that a real spanking can bring to her. She is a wonderful and loving wife, a harsh disciplinarian but a just and fair Queen. After a real spanking, I find myself LOOKING for ways to please her. Not in a slaveboy with no self-respect way, but in a way like a pit bull wants to please its master and please her. I’ll end up being “good” for at least a couple of months before I start to slip. But even the thought of her taking me to “the woodshed”, can get me back in line pretty quick. Good luck to you on your marriage. I know this arrangement has done wonders for ours!

  • Wow, this guy is far different from me – He WANTS a spanking from his wife! I take one occasionally – a bare ass paddling – because she is a great wife and has put up with way too much from me. It is always just with the same skinny stick – I take it right out of the shower bending over and it hurts like crazy though I got it coming in spades. Any guy who thinks he wants a real spanking – unless it is flirtatious or playful – should be very careful. A proper bare bottom paddling really hurts – I am making spank pleas like I am seven years old. Be careful what you wish for.

    • Cronin, I admire you for being willing to take a spanking within your marriage — but are you not really embarrassed when you are getting it bare bottom? Where are your children? Who else knows?

    • To Jim: My wife and I are blessed with a loving and trusting marriage. Since we both agree it is necessary, I am not embarrassed nor shamed at all. She is a great wife who puts up with a lot more than she should! We both seem to know at the same time when a bare paddling has to settle things. My naked butt can sure hurt but it is not a case of any embarrassment. Thanks for writing, Jim.

    • Sean, I saw your comment below wherein you said a spanking from my wife can be a turn-on. I suppose it can be for some. As I wrote above, it’s a bare assed paddling that I sure have coming in spades and my butt hurts. BUT IT IS NO TURN ON – BELIEVE ME. I deserve it but all I feel is a damn sore butt

  • This can absolutely work but only if she believes in it. She has to be willing to be consistent and always follow through, even to the point of cancelling plans to deal with you. I also know it can’t be fun or a turn-on for you. They spankings need to be real, strict, and harsh enough to deal with your bad behaviour. You have to be willing to submit to her punishments unconditionally whenever and for whatever reason she decides, even if you believe you don’t deserve one. The decision is hers and must be obeyed, absolutely. Period.

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